Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Immersed in Fog

I was a wreck today. Maybe not a wreck, but it was certainly one of those days where I battle my own demons and insecurities. A day where I question myself. Where my inner voice screams out, "What the hell are you doing with your life?"

Things are not bad in my life. I am however feeling stressed. I am overwhelmed. So often there are a million things I want to get done on any particular day. And then I get stuck on one minor task or another. You can guess the rest.

Today is one of those days. I sit here at night and I feel unaccomplished. I would love to only report the exciting and glamorous things that are happening as I move forward. It is not my intention to bring you down. At the same time, I need this as an outlet, a release. Maybe you will find some kind of comfort to know of my struggle. So I write these thoughts. I am attempting to find truth in my journey. To get out of my head and just let words pour out from my soul. When we can do that is when the real magic happens. I am not sure if I have ever reached that pinnacle here in my blog, though it has happened in my scripts.

This reminds me of 'The Right to Write' by Julia Cameron. A book I read years ago, where she advocates 'Morning Pages.' Simply allowing yourself to write in a stream of consciousness without any censoring first thing in the morning.

With everything I work on, it feels like it takes a mountainous effort just to build a mole hill. Seriously, most days seem to have no effect on the bigger picture. Somehow, I have to block it out and keep finding a way to move forward. And when one way is closed off, to find another way. I choose to have hope and faith, even if it doesn't make any sense.

Our tickets to Night Before the Wedding went on sale two weeks ago. Now with two weeks until the World Premiere, we have sold 55 combined tickets for our two screenings. The theater holds 198, so in two screeings we have 396 total seats to fill. That means we have sold about 14% of what we need to. I am hoping we will see a significant rise in the next week. Tickets are only $10, there is no service charge if folks order online. Each screening will feature a Q&A with the cast and crew and be moderated by Mark Stolaroff, founder of No Budget Film School. Also, let me announce here that I am going to give away free dvd copies of my film 'Shoot-Out' to those who sign onto our mailing list. I know it is going to be a fun night.

I have been purposely avoiding watching NBTW so that I can watch it with fresh eyes and hopefully with a full audience on August 11th. It's an experience I will cherish. For years, I have been deep down in the struggle. Immersed in fog, I wasn't sure if I could ever finish a feature film. I would doubt myself daily. You can say I have had many days like the one I had today. Maybe, just maybe, it is almost time for the sun to break through...

1 comment:

Angie Palmer said...

Hang in there. We all have our ups and downs.